Vienna is a merengue-based cream cake, which – like merengue-based cream cakes generally do – looks better than it tastes. And it doesn’t look THAT good, either. More sickening, really, unless you haven’t been eating the last couple of weeks.

Vienna’s tourist council loves to brag about how Vienna was a magnet to creative people (like Mozart). But that’s a lo-o-o-ng time ago. Back when people (like Mozart) liked to stroll about in white powdered wigs with ponytails, looking not entirely unlike their architecture. When the Viennese want to look REALLY sharp, they still don this kind of costume and headwear, making them look like Mozart, only 250 years too late.

The way to show you’re a proper tourist in Vienna, is to get driven around in one of these. they provide a noisy and slow ride, ensuring other tourists plenty of time to observe you being taken for a ride by the locals.

If you’re not queasy by the time you get to the hilton, try taking a long hard look at the cream cake architecture reflected off the mirror wall of the hilton.

The door actually works, though. have to give them that.

With a telephone set beside the toilet bowl, just in case you have no manners at all. the hotel has the standard “we care a LOT about the environment, hang your towels on the rack if they’re not dirty yet” blurb, but with the other hand, they put out miniature phtalate rubber ducks on all bathrooms if you should happen to not be very environmentally minded. Oh, well.

This hotelroomsecret was submitted by AH